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The Graveyard
cast: Lindsay Ballew, Sam Bologna, Trish Coren, Eva Derrek, and Patrick Scott Lewis

director: Michael Feifer

83 minutes (15) 2007
widescreen ratio 16:9
Revolver DVD Region 2 retail

RATING: 3/10
reviewed by James A. Stewart
In February this year I had the (dubious) pleasure of reviewing a film called Dead Mary - it rated a whopping 3/10. The main issues with it were the lack of originality, wooden acting and awful plot. For July, five months on, one of the offerings I had for review is the Michael Feifer directed slasher-by-numbers flick, The Graveyard. Generally, I'll try and do 500 or so words for a DVD review, and for The Graveyard it is necessary that I plagiarise my own review of Dead Mary. Aside from little differences in the plot itself, the overriding weaknesses of February's offering are to the fore in The Graveyard.

The plot is abominable. The story is set five years after the tragic death of Eric (Mark Salling) who impaled himself on some shoddy ironwork at a cemetery after being the victim of a practical joke by Bobby, played by the awful Patrick Scott Lewis. The joke consisted of Bobby guising himself up as a masked killer then giving Eric a fright. Bobby was jailed for manslaughter for his part in Eric's death. I'm not a lawyer, but manslaughter seems a touch tenuous here. I digress; when Bobby finishes his sentence, his friends, some of whom were there on the night when Eric died, decide to have a party and go to a camp to celebrate the reunion.

What do you know? The camp just happens to be next to Placid Pines cemetery, and, you guessed it, that just happened to be the place where Eric died. I am sure Bobby was delighted to get the opportunity for a party near to where an accident happened that he was a key part in, and which in effect cost him five years of his life. And no, it wasn't 1st April.

In keeping with rather disingenuous flow of the plot, a masked killer comes to wreak revenge on the gang. Cue Friday The 13th cemetery edition. Now you may think this an easy criticism to make, but when the writers have the audacity to put a reference to Jason in their dialogue they are to be shot at. The characterisations are pretty bland too, with the usual gaggle of high school Americans in on the act. The good guy, the hick sheriff, the boring nice girl, the girls with ample bosoms, the guy with an axe to grind (literally)... and, best of all, the killer who has no need to run and has a telepathic ability to find people hidden in tombs in the dark.

You've probably guessed by now, The Graveyard didn't really float my boat. It is best described as churn in the genre. There will be the odd fan of the slasher-flick scene who would enjoy this film, the killing is gruesome enough at times, the unnecessarily elongated nude scenes will work for those who are easily distracted from the fact there is not actually anything, and I mean anything, original about this film.
NEXT

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