Ouch. That’s what my brain said at the end of this quite unreal movie. Unreal in as much that very fact that such a horrible piece of film-making made it to general release is quite beyond me. This is literally the worst film I have seen. There is absolutely no merit to it. The year is 1991, the place is Iraq – the uniforms are 2003 issue according to some critics. And then the real problems start.

The plot of SEAL Team VI centres around the recruitment of Michael (Jeremy Davis) into an elite SEAL team who are then sent on one of those covert ‘if you get caught we disown you’ missions into enemy territory. Michael helps the slow amongst us by providing a supposed to be dramatic monologue over the footage but in the end sounds like some guy doing a very bad Clint Eastwood impression.

Nothing about the film justifies raising it above a one. There are so many errors and continuity issues that it belies belief, and anyone who is either ex-army or simply an avid fan of this genre of film will spot issues all over the place. Perhaps the most horrific section is the sequence leading up to their jump from a helicopter into the sea as their mission begins. From missing packs to masks when jumping, then no masks and magically appearing rucksacks, etc, the errors are amazing.

The acting is spit-roast ham with no attempt to hide from clich├ęs and jock tendencies around the characters; even the military back-up and presidential representatives are so typecast that it is impossible to take whatever message SEAL Team VI is trying to convey seriously. Then, the backstory around Chief Mackefy’s internal turmoil is so wooden and clumsily delivered that any emotion that was meant to be derived from it was lost in a miasma of crap action and horrible direction, which combine to give the most painful of painful flashback scenes.

But, despite all that, the gawkiest feature of the movie is the use of library shots for air strikes and gun battles; you have to see this to believe it. The skips between the scenes is like seeing Denzel Washington act as Tom Cruise’s stunt double, face on.

Everything about the film is contemptible; from the chauvinistic faux machismo of the SEAL team, to the soundtrack, and the attempts to try and ingratiate the locals by having some level of cooperation between Iraqi civilians and the SEAL team, as well as the overall amateurish direction of the movie. SEAL Team VI is on a par with the worst 1970s’ UK public service broadcast. Avoid.